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 A Warriors Plight

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PostSubject: A Warriors Plight   Sat Mar 28, 2009 9:48 pm

Preview of the Story I am attempting to write.

As I walk through the forests as what you know now as Romania, I ponder the questions of life brought before me. As I do, I hear a slight rustle in the bushes behind myself. Knowing its either a bear or deer, i continue as it will bring no harm to me. But, I hear a strange sound, so instinctually I duck as a arrow grazes my ear. Pulling out my dagger i jump to the side, reckoning that i have only seconds to react before the next move is made by adversary. I just notice at that moment that i am getting ambushed and my ear is in worse condition then I previously thought. Taking my knowledge of my surroundings, I climb the nearest tree and wait for my assailent to come near me. I hear rustling in the bushes and then, a strange figure pops out. He looks almost human, but his eyelids close horizantally instead of vertically, and he walks with a mysterious gait I have never before seen. Knowing now is the chance to strike. I jump and land on my assailent's head to destroy him while i have the chance, i slash the back of his neck open and strange liquids of almost emerald green liquid start pouring out of him. He makes a shreik so deafening, I have to claw at my ears to not destroy my hearing. Before I can let my assailent die, I ask him who sent him and what his purpose was with me. He replies "Your king thinks you have been blasphemes to his cause, and i have been sent to teach you how terrible the king can be." As he dies in my arms, I feel a sharp jolt in my thigh, which was the beak he concealed beneath his cowl rushing through my muscles.

Well, what do you think?
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Mar 29, 2009 6:50 pm

this looks like van helsing sequel lol
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Mar 29, 2009 7:37 pm

lol i just got really bored...
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Mar 29, 2009 8:03 pm

I like it man!
At first I was like
lol
Then I was like interesting...
Now I want more

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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Mar 29, 2009 10:37 pm

That was pretty good man +rep. i hope you keep writing it, i'm interested now lol
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Mar 29, 2009 11:12 pm

I have been writing a fable
I'll post when its fully edited

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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Mon Mar 30, 2009 12:19 am

i dont even know i was so ****ing bored i just wrote what came off my head ill write something new
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Mon Mar 30, 2009 2:13 am

well, this is the creative forum, so i will dole out some constructive critisicim.

1) little choppy. i felt as though it moved to fast. there was soo much to elaborate on.
2) grammer. you need to read it yourself. i catch like 70% more mistakes when i re-read my work. you had "a arrow" when im sure you meant "an arrow"

interesting story overall....did you write it out of boardness or is this for a school project

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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Mon Mar 30, 2009 4:24 pm

Shall I post my Fable on its completion? My teacher is super anal about everything so its gonna be sick

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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Mon Mar 30, 2009 7:25 pm

out of boredness brute lol
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:54 pm

Hey Link, feedback on the story i'm working on would be awesome! Let me know what you think bro
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PostSubject: Re: A Warriors Plight   Sun Apr 05, 2009 4:56 pm

alrighty
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