Tip of the Hat


 
HomeHome  GalleryGallery  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 Here's an old story for you people.

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
EPhear
Top Lad
avatar

Number of posts : 106
Hedonistic Glory : 3298
Reputation : 4
Joined In : 2009-04-04
Age : 26

PostSubject: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:13 pm

Nor the fact that I made this 4+ years ago. Well, heres an example of how I normally write (sort of) age does make a difference though. Only took the action part though, the rest sucks worse. And yes sucks worse is imperative as a statement of fact.

Drawing the twin katanas Coraton-Morar and Darashmor-Morar, as a shadow appeared with a faint voice that said, “And I’ll drink a thousand more tonight. . .” I stepped out of the darkness and swept their heads off their shoulders. No screams, no noise, no one to set off the alarm. So I began to drag their bodies into the woods, while I rolled the heads with my feat. I walked back and pat out the fire with their cloaks that fell off. This happened when I decapitated them. Then I covered the blood with the cloaks. They were gathered at the center of the village with most of the prisoners. Which just happened to be women and children.

The very presence of the guards going in pairs provided some forethought, but they were the only ones. I moved to something liken to fluid lightning as I ran down the space between the nearest guard and me. His spine was sheared in half by the blow from Coraton-Morar and Darashmor-Morar. Three down, eleven to go. Three of them had their backs turned to me as the others unsheathed their weapons. The accursed truth for them is that they wouldn’t see they dawning light of the sun. I rammed both katanas in to two of their backs, while doing a leaping kick, making a nice dent in his skull. As the corpses fell, as they invariably do, they blades unloosed themselves. The eight other brigands charged towards me, their blades drawn. The first brigand through, his katana making a glancing blow on Coraton-Morar, while Darashmor-Morar plummeted through his chest. The second came through and tripped on Coraton-Morar. The third and fourth had their heads decapitated. The fifth was sliced in two. The sixth sliced in fourths, and the seventh in eighths. The eighth man came and I found myself in a dual mist of black and white. When I saw clear again, he laid dead in infinitesimally small pieces. An assassin came up, and the old man hit him with a large mace.

Sorry if it royally sucks.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16109
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:16 pm

I think it's good. You're a much better writer than me lol. I hope I'm making progress
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25406
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:17 pm

Its a greatly written action sequence
I just have no idea why its happening
But who cares, its very well written, I couldn't write like that when I was 13

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16109
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:20 pm

byd, you should read my story. Yes I am spamming. Yes that is annoying. Yes me talking like that is annoying. Blarg?
Back to top Go down
View user profile
EPhear
Top Lad
avatar

Number of posts : 106
Hedonistic Glory : 3298
Reputation : 4
Joined In : 2009-04-04
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:22 pm

Sorry, I had to disect the bad stuff from it. Not to mention it will forever be unfinished. I really don't feel like writing the piece of crap infantile work ever again. The action sequence was the only thing that didn't feel like a cheese fest. And Axe, if you ever need help, that's why the thread partly exist. And you can always expect me to brutally honest if need be.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25406
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:22 pm

Link me to it

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16109
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Mon May 04, 2009 11:36 pm

No need to link, it's like 2 forums down. Lol I'm trying to write good stuff, and I'm trying to get super-brutal honesty lol
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16109
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Tue May 05, 2009 12:16 am

And EP, what do you mean by "you people"? I'm about to have my feelings hurt you know! I can't work under these conditions! All you see is the negatives! I don't understand it! Sad
Back to top Go down
View user profile
EPhear
Top Lad
avatar

Number of posts : 106
Hedonistic Glory : 3298
Reputation : 4
Joined In : 2009-04-04
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Tue May 05, 2009 12:26 am

You people who read this. . . melodramatic.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16109
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   Tue May 05, 2009 4:44 pm

Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Here's an old story for you people.   

Back to top Go down
 
Here's an old story for you people.
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» A truly Sad Story
» Aengus Shanahan
» Famous people (using the last letter of the previous name)
» Another sniffer dog story
» Channel 4 Thursday 1st April Lost Abroad - The Parents Story

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Tip of the Hat :: Preposterous Palaver and Infinite Jest-
Jump to: