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Axe
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 10:42 pm

brutality,thynameismetal wrote:
yeah i can add to the list
adhd......
so yeah
i know....im not depressed.

and dont forget....i have 2 or 3+ years on you guys, so im trying to find my own path and make it through life. i do feel alone sometimes. but you know what,m you persevere. you get through. eventually things will work out

and i dont want you to take this the wrong way axe....but im interested in this medically speaking, and im not calling you a liar.
i think your weight issue stems from using food as an anti depressant. this is fairly common. people get down on themselves, weather they have the condition or not, and then try to comfort themselves with food.
it must be hard being diagnosed with depression and then knowing that you may use food as a comfort.

i took my adhd diagnosis extremely hard. one of the vivid memories i have is being in the bathroom, crying really hard at my mom and saying " i wish i was normal". i still get all nervous when i think about that.

but life moves on. take pleasure in the things you do. i always feel alittle bit better when i go out and take some pictures.

oh, and axe, another common anti depressant is actually exercise. if you are feeling down or have too many things going on in your head, strap on the running shoes and just start running. your mind will concentrate on other things, and hey, you burn calories

i also think a fairly undocumented side-effect of adhd is the constant stream of consciousness i have. ever second from when i wake up to when i go to sleep, my mind is constantly bombarding itself. i have to listen to talk radio, or music, or watch television (or reply to forums) to keep all the brain activity down.
i swear, i wake up, and i start singing a song in my head, or repeating a certain phrase over and over and over. it is handy sometimes....but it is very cumbersome to deal with


any rate...enough of my bitching and moaning

Thanks for the advise, and I have no doubt that part of my weight issue is because of that. I sometimes find myself eating and all the while I'm thinking to myself, "I'm not hungry, why am I eating?". But I do it anyway. I want to get back into exercise. When I was a freshman, I was still really big, but I was in shape. I could run with the football team and keep up with them, and I was actually one of the strongest guys in the weight room. Now, I'm not sure how good I would be. I wish my adhd would go away, and I wish I was normal, but I know I'm not. I used to think that when I was younger too, but now I realize that I have to solve my own problems, I can't just push them aside
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 10:49 pm

EPhear wrote:
Remember Axe, the realitive majority of Indiana is not exactly tilted the right way. I wallowed in pretty much a zone of no social life. I knew I was weird, I got over that as much as possible. I even have a mental condition. Aspberger Syndrome. Or however you spell it. Even then I'm weird compared to the normal Aspberger Syndrome character. It was why you need to just take comfort that there are people as weird as you, and that they may be there for you, depending on how much you know them. Being yourself is the only way you can make true friends, and remember that. Besides your old best friend and you made it so that you were both jerks. Though I think that was more him than you. You have to try to keep your friends, but never lose yourself in trying to keep them.

Remember this a friend will get you out of Jail, but a good friend will be in the cell with you.

Thank you... and I know I've been an asshole. Chris always had the same problems I did, that's why we were such good friends I think. We had basically all the same problems in life, so we naturally fit in together. But now, I think he's finally figured out how to be someone he's not. I will never be that way. He denies it, but I see him acting in ways that I know aren't him. Oh well, for some friends are worth it even if they don't like you for who you truely are, when you're in a room by yourself. Right now, I can safely say you are the best friend I have. Even though we don't hang out as much as we used to, you've always been a good friend, even when I was a prick. I think you knew I wasn't really an asshole, but things turned out that way. I do want to apologize for all the things I did that I shouldn't have done. Right now, I just want to go up. I think I've pretty much hit rock bottom for the second time, so now I want to go up and stay there. I want to look ahead and make a good future for myself. After all, we graduate next year. I've tried hard to keep Chris as a friend, and we had a big discussion last night about it. I'm ready to just go my own way and be the person I am, and let him be the person he wants to be.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:00 pm

Trust me, you were not really the problem, it was always Chris. You kind of. . . melded from Chris' attitude about everyone. Chris has always tried to wear masks. You were always needing help from another source. I have to say I've not always been true to myself, and I apologize for the difficulties that arised through that. You just needed someone that you could be true to yourself with. I think the most important thing that came up is that you are being true to yourself. That's all you can ever truly be. Wearing masks can make you friends, but it can never truly make you happy. If you wear masks to long, all you are is a mask.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:05 pm

EPhear wrote:
Trust me, you were not really the problem, it was always Chris. You kind of. . . melded from Chris' attitude about everyone. Chris has always tried to wear masks. You were always needing help from another source. I have to say I've not always been true to myself, and I apologize for the difficulties that arised through that. You just needed someone that you could be true to yourself with. I think the most important thing that came up is that you are being true to yourself. That's all you can ever truly be. Wearing masks can make you friends, but it can never truly make you happy. If you wear masks to long, all you are is a mask.

Very well spoken, errr... typed. +rep

I never understood trying to be someone you aren't. I have to admit, I've tried that a few times myself. I always felt weird about it though, because when you go home, you are just the person you were before. I can see how people are driven to that though. People like us, I think it gets to a point where all of the negativity spewed at us makes us want a change... any change. That never worked for me though. Not only did I hate trying to put on a show for people, but it didn't work. At all. I've had the same friends, pretty much, for the past 7 years. I realize that I don't need any more than I have though. I have good friends, mostly, and that's all I need. It just sucks to see one of your friends abandon his true friends to be someone he's not, but I'll get over it.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:13 pm

Amen brother. I've got a good friend who used to be one of us and has totally become a sell out in the past two years. I mean he dropped almost everything he used to love and changed his cloths and now he's really popular. He barely even talks to us anymore if any of his other friends are around and it's all around annoying as hell.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:14 pm

It's always been questionable were his loyalties lied. I took punches for him. I defended him. He became an ass to me. I will be nice to him, and have fun with him. But can I ever say I could trust him. . . no.

But less about that. Sometimes the only thing you have are people who can't care about you. No one needs that environment. I went to work once with a group of people who were either backstabbers or people who annoyed me. They would target you if you so much as were even thought of as a threat to them. I was working for them over the summer only. It never bothered them. I was treated like a manual laboring fool. It was irritating. It was also something I never should have been doing. It was a learning experience. You need people to help you survive. The only reason I continued was pride, greed, and the knowledge that hey, I have the ability to see my infatuation once a day till Drivers Ed was gone. Sometimes all you can have is the hope for the next day. Besides, you have college to look forward too. You can meet people there. And the closer you get to doing something you love, the better people you meet who share similar interests.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:23 pm

EPhear wrote:
It's always been questionable were his loyalties lied. I took punches for him. I defended him. He became an ass to me. I will be nice to him, and have fun with him. But can I ever say I could trust him. . . no.

But less about that. Sometimes the only thing you have are people who can't care about you. No one needs that environment. I went to work once with a group of people who were either backstabbers or people who annoyed me. They would target you if you so much as were even thought of as a threat to them. I was working for them over the summer only. It never bothered them. I was treated like a manual laboring fool. It was irritating. It was also something I never should have been doing. It was a learning experience. You need people to help you survive. The only reason I continued was pride, greed, and the knowledge that hey, I have the ability to see my infatuation once a day till Drivers Ed was gone. Sometimes all you can have is the hope for the next day. Besides, you have college to look forward too. You can meet people there. And the closer you get to doing something you love, the better people you meet who share similar interests.

That's what I'm hoping....

And the thing that bothers me most about Chris is every time I tell him I'm done being his friend, he acts all hurt and asks why? I don't understand that because unless he knows I'm pissed, he will ignore me, completely ignore my text messages (and I know for a fact he is on his phone 24/7), and all around alienate me. When I talk to him about stuff that we are both interested in, he gives me this weird look or answers really short. But enough about him, I'm finished trying to make him realize how he's changing for the worse.

I'm trying harder to cope with asshole people, and I'm doing a good job. I found a way to take the fun out of harassing me for the asswipes, and I haven't been bothered for a few years. I'm definitely looking forward to college and moving out, I'm hoping me, you, and a few other friends can all rent an apartment or house or something after high school, given we find jobs. I think the adventure of moving out on my own would do me wonders. I hate being cooped up in this house all the time, and having to live like a child. I still am a child, but I know I'll be an adult before I know it. I'm ready to start my life, and become the person I want to be. I think I would have a lot of fun if I moved in with some of my friends, that is something to look forward to.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:30 pm

That all depends you know.

My way of taking care of the jerks is riding them with my own special brand of tongue lashery. It is usually effective. I also do it to poke fun at people, but I generally take out most of the venom. It's usually fun to use in a class to where everyone can tell they like being jerks. I think you remember me and Blaine in Health Education. Enough about me.

I recommend that you truly figure out what you want to do Axe. I already have my list of colleges picked out. Or atleast partially so. If you need any help in that regard, I'll try my best. Jobs would, on the other hand, be immensly helpful. Period.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:33 pm

EPhear wrote:
That all depends you know.

My way of taking care of the jerks is riding them with my own special brand of tongue lashery. It is usually effective. I also do it to poke fun at people, but I generally take out most of the venom. It's usually fun to use in a class to where everyone can tell they like being jerks. I think you remember me and Blaine in Health Education. Enough about me.

I recommend that you truly figure out what you want to do Axe. I already have my list of colleges picked out. Or atleast partially so. If you need any help in that regard, I'll try my best. Jobs would, on the other hand, be immensly helpful. Period.

I thought we had the same career path?

I've been thinking, but not seriously. It would be sweet if we could come to an agreement that is realistic, that way I don't have to be roommates with complete strangers. And it would also kick major ass if it was somewhere semi-local, that way we could room with others that don't necessarily go to the same college, like Ryan. Whatever he's planning on doing with his life..... I'm sure we'll never know
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:36 pm

So far his flitting between Teacher and Pastor. . .

Can never tell.

I was asking you to make sure. I can't read your mind to tell if you've decided on something else.

If you still are thinking about Game Design. The nearest one is in Fort Wayne, after that, it's all out of state.

And yes, I somehow partially jacked the thread, my bad.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:40 pm

EPhear wrote:
So far his flitting between Teacher and Pastor. . .

Can never tell.

I was asking you to make sure. I can't read your mind to tell if you've decided on something else.

If you still are thinking about Game Design. The nearest one is in Fort Wayne, after that, it's all out of state.

And yes, I somehow partially jacked the thread, my bad.

All these threads evolve. Hell, we once had a thread that, when it was all said and done, was actually for different topics at least. I digress

Yes, Game Design is what I'd like to do my friend. I was thinking about music, but that's just not realistic. Besides, I don't really need to study music in college to improve. I want to look into colleges more, because I know I need to find one that is fairly liberal with their admissions. After all, my grades aren't very good.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:45 pm

ITT Tech is the Closest one. . .

All others are out of state.

Scariest thing about ITT Tech is that it requires a minimum of 180 credit hours for a Baccalaurate. . . That's monstrous.

And I know threads evolve, but this is the serious discussions thread. So. . . yeah.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:49 pm

My thread!!!

lol
Plus it's a ***** to start another thread when we stray off topic. And idk, the more college time the better I guess. I'm not fond of school work, but when it comes down to doing stuff i love and stuff that benefits my career path, I want to do the best I can. I will look into it, and considering that ITT is a tech school, we shouldn't have a problem getting in. That is a massive amount of credit hours, but I'm prepared to work my ass off. I want to make a game that's at least have as good as oblivion. That would please me
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:53 pm

The good news is that about half the classes are eligible to be taken online that aren't about Game Design. ITT Tech is actually considered one of the better schools for Game Design that isn't really expensive. The classes look rather impressive considering how much they look like they teach.

A regular Baccalaurate is around 128 credit hours by the way.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Thu May 07, 2009 11:58 pm

sheesh....

Well online is good for the sh!t easy classes. Hell, we both have computers, even though they are borderline mediocre. I would love to be able to do work in my own house like that, and still go to school for the actual game design courses. That would be sweet.... and that would certainly be an adventure to move to FT Wayne, because I'm certainly not driving a 6 hour commute daily to go there. Talk about a waste of gas and money
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Fri May 08, 2009 12:04 am

96 credit hours is for the core classes. . . though what that means is beyond me. Nearly every class is four credit hours. Being near Fort Wayne would be nice. It is a rather large town, and has some nice places. I can say that most of the people who I've met through a brief period of time doing a week at Michigan for a summer camp had to have had rather agreeable people. Almost everyone in the Game department was male. It was only for the rather well off group of people. They were also rather intelligent, unsurprisingly.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Fri May 08, 2009 12:07 am

That would certainly be fun. The hardest thing would be moving there. We would have to secure jobs there first, or utilize some of our student loans in order to pay for it. Hopefully, the economy will improve slightly in the next year or so, so it may be easier.

I'm thinking that's a good plan. I'm going to look into their programs a bit more. I think that would be very cool actually, and that way we could meet some cool people who are actually interested in game design. That would be sweet
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Fri May 08, 2009 12:13 am

oh yeah! EP, made a youtube video! Check it out! Leave feedback!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O0U63MyKVjc

Probably making a new one soon on the same topic. I'm not completely happy with it, and im questioning my selections.
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Fri May 08, 2009 2:34 am

Add me to the list cause im as fucked up as you can get ...
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PostSubject: Re: Depression   Sun May 10, 2009 12:04 pm

I'm depressed and anemic.
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