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 Slaves! Edit my work

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breakyoudown
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PostSubject: Slaves! Edit my work   Sun May 24, 2009 1:32 pm

Writing an essay
Someone edit this paragraph because I have more posts than you
(I will greatly appreciate if you point out anything that sounds grammatically awkward or flaws in logic)

Daniel Plainview and Cujo are typical villains because they become progressively more villainous. There Will Be Blood begins with Daniel begins his business endeavours. He tells minor lies indicate his interest in profit; however, it does not reveal any significant immorality of his character. Inevitably his lies become more serious as he becomes aware of the potential salary he will be able to obtain. When he introduces himself to the citizens of a town in California he declares “It is an abomination for anyone in this magnificent country to look at bread as a luxury.” At first glance, this quotation shows like Daniel is a powerful inspiration that will lift the townsfolk’s spirits. He wants to portray the message that his search for oil will shape the town into a prosperous city. Many people are convinced that his aspiration is a positive one. A quantity of his acts included donations to a church, and construction of a road. Daniel’s success steadily grows, while his compassion fades. In the conclusion of the film, his son H.W grew into an ambitious man. H.W explained that he loves Daniel very much, but is ready to start his own business. Feeling an immediate potential threat, Daniel disowns H.W by yelling, “You’re not my son. You have none of me in you.” After a moment of solemn acceptance of his father’s greed, H.W replies “I thank God I have none of you in me.” Daniel Plainview is a man who was consumed in greed, while Cujo is a dog who is overcome by rabbis. Cujo was a beloved Saint Bernard by his owners and all of those who visit. “…the only three living creatures he could stand were…his boy Brett…and Brett’s big Saint Bernard, Cujo…No matter how mean he was feeling, the sight of that two-hundred pound dog sitting up like a rabbit never failed to tickle him.” Contrary to Daniel’s choose to act selfish on continuous occasions, Cujo’s aggression is out of his control. Shortly after he is infected with the disease, he tries to wash the evil out of himself, but cannot. “At this particular moment he certainly considered himself to be a BADDOG… He waded upstream…he rolled over in the water…trying to get rid of that BADDOG feeling.” The rabbis slowly consume Cujo, and when his loving owner visits him, the Saint Bernard viciously kills him. Both characters were at one point admired, but become frenzied in evil.

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Sun May 24, 2009 1:37 pm

byd you have exactly 6 secs to get your ass over here and start kissing my boots before i try a reenactment of one specific scene
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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Sun May 24, 2009 1:40 pm

villainous.... is taht even a word. anyway in croatian that would get you a grade minus because of the use villains and villainous in the same sentence. it would sound better if you used sth to describe their state such as more sadistic or sth like that
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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Sun May 24, 2009 10:06 pm

yup it is
Thanks though
I'll take that word into account
Its a good word

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 1:12 am

There Will Be Blood begins with Daniel begins his business endeavours.

??????

"There Will Be Blood" begins when Daniel, the main character, begins his business endeavors.

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 12:18 pm

there's a minor mistake:
"At first glance, this quotation shows like Daniel is a powerful inspiration that will lift the townsfolk’s spirits."
It should be: At first glance, this quotations shows that Daniel is a yadi yadi yada..

Also I think you should start a new paragraph at "In the conclusion of the film, his son H.W grew into an ambitious man. " because it sounds like an opening sentence of a closing paragraph.

"Cujo was a beloved Saint Bernard by his owners and all of those who visit."
I don't get that sentence at all :/
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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 6:36 pm

Shin wrote:
there's a minor mistake:

"Cujo was a beloved Saint Bernard by his owners and all of those who visit."
I don't get that sentence at all :/

Think this should be "Cujo was a beloved Saint Bernard who was adored by his owners and all of those who visit" or something to that effect
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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 7:15 pm

Excellent excellent
Thank you my most loyal minions
I love how me being a total jackass gets more attention and help
Thank you all =)

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 7:22 pm

Heh, always happy to help a lazy bastard in need ^_^
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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 7:25 pm

My plan is that my 2nd paragraph (this one) is going to be so ****ing manly that the other ones can afford to be crappy

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 10:31 pm

Always happy to point out your minor grammatical errors, guy

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon May 25, 2009 10:48 pm

Edit my next paragraph when im done friend
I'm ****ing lazy

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Wed May 27, 2009 8:42 pm

Sure thing man

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Wed May 27, 2009 8:59 pm

Daniel Plainview and Cujo represent distinct evildoers because they employ strength and power to obtain success. Daniel owns an abundance of money due to his continuous success. This wealth allows him to have a significant amount of power. He is able to buy land for a very low amount of money, in comparison to what his total revenue will consume. Although Daniel is aware of the unfair bargain he is faced with, he does not care to reimburse the families of the Californian town. The movie comes to a close when Daniel murders a greedy preacher named Eli. Daniel outmuscles this priest and eventually kills him in a blind rage after insulting his religious beliefs. “….You think your superstitions will help you now Eli?” Although Plainview was intoxicated, his strength was sufficient enough to murder the priest who was looking for profit. Neither of the men are in any way kind or selfless, but the murder of Eli was an act of corruption. As Daniel Plainview nullifies his victims out of sheer corruption, Cujo eliminates victims because of his uncontrollable rage. Unlike Plainview, Cujo’s insanity is not caused by loneliness and the lust for money. In contrast, he is similar to Daniel in the sense that he cannot be reasoned with while he is enraged. Cujo does not recognize his previous owners; he simply ruthlessly attacks whoever approaches him. “To Cujo, the words coming from THE MAN meant nothing…He suddenly understood THE MAN had made him sick. He lunged forward, the growl in his chest mounting into a heavy roar of rage.” (King, 111) Furthermore, Cujo uses his superior instincts to overpower his victims. Not only can the Saint Bernard eradicate others with ease because of its strength and weight, he also terrorizes a main character named Donna. “Her thoughts tumbled wildly…Faces. Voices. Rooms. Scenes. Books. The terror of this moment thinking I AM GOING TO DIE-“ (King, 218) Cujo cannot control the pain that he inflicts on others. He abuses his position of power over others, but is not at fault. Although other characters show compassion to these brutes, they view innocents as adversaries.

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:21 pm

I honestly couldn't find any mistakes with this, but I was just letting you know I did read it and look for errors. The only thing I might have a problem with is using the term "Evildoer", it sounds a little to slang for something like this.

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PostSubject: Re: Slaves! Edit my work   Mon Jun 01, 2009 10:35 pm

Thanks lol I'm completely finished, just handed it in today after editing it like 12 more times lol

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