Tip of the Hat


 
HomeHome  GalleryGallery  FAQFAQ  SearchSearch  RegisterRegister  Log inLog in  

Share | 
 

 Cheers & Tears

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:33 pm

Cheers & Tears: Role-Playing Games
We give you five to play and five games to throw away.


July 10, 2009 - These are the dog days of summer and as such pickings are slim for new videogames. What better time to look at the Xbox 360's sizable library and find the very best games to play? Over the summer, we're going to take a look at a bevy of gaming genres and determine the five games everyone needs to play. And to complement that, we're giving you five games to avoid (or throw away).

This week we're checking out Xbox 360's role-playing game library. Once this genre was a liability for Microsoft, but that's changed since the launch of Xbox 360. Sony no longer has a stranglehold on great RPGs. In fact, all of the best RPGs are on 360. And there's no greater proof than the fact that we had eight games worthy of being given cheers. But only five can make the cut. Sorry Eternal Sonata lovers, blame the stiff competition. With the good comes the bad and we had no trouble finding five RPGs better off in the trade-in bin than you collection.

GREAT RPGS



THE ELDER SCROLLS IV: OBLIVION

Uriel Septim is dead, killed right before your eyes. You manage to pull away, clambering through a series of warrens fighting rats and a few more formidable beasts before, with a flood of relief, reaching the exit alive. Slamming aside the door you're accosted by the searing light of day and an expanse of countryside so vast it causes your stomach to turn. You stand for a moment and consider your position. With an embarrassingly underpowered assortment of armaments and flimsy armor, you spy a few creatures moving around on an adjacent shore. Do you attack? Do you investigate? Do you flee? The desire to strengthen your skills and acquire exotic items might compel you forward, but something holds you back. You turn away from the scene and trot through the grass, dip into a cool river, and emerge on the other side. There's a path there, presumably leading to a distant town. As you move further toward a destination unknown, you realize you're in territory wholly alien. Far away from anything you recognize, the way forward is entirely up to you.

FABLE 2

It's a quaint forest town with wooden trailers and homely residents busying themselves with chores mundane, using idle conversation to distract their attention from the soul-screaming dullness of everyday routine. You're new in the area, and happen to detest boredom. You also just learned how to effectively slash and dice with your weapon, but there's still an edge of hesitance brushing against your conscience as set your sights on an innocuous portly gentleman minding his own business. Kicking aside your doubts, you hack at him repeatedly until his life force flees from his body, he keels over, and spills an abundance of delicious skill-boosting orbs. Drunk with the rush of power and craving another high, you slash through the hamlet's inhabitants, weapon gleaming in the radiance of your abrupt moral epiphany. No longer ashamed of your murderous inclinations, you stomp out into the wider world, confident that the grisly scene soaking into the Earth behind you is the first piece of a beautiful puzzle.


FALLOUT 3

War, war never changes. Unfortunately for humans, once those wars start using nuclear weapons, the world does change. Life changes where it hasn't already been erradicated. And so you take your first steps into this world of light and dark, evil and good, as you emerge from Vault 101 to seek out your father. The landscape is grim. The odds of survival are slim. The water is barely potable. On the horizon you see what looks like a shanty town. Maybe you'll find some friends there. Or maybe not. Nobody would blame you if you decided to give in to the pressure and cut a few corners -- or throats -- during your travels. It's a nasty world out there in the Capital Wasteland and you're going to have to make some big decisions.


LOST ODYSSEY

What happens when immortals intermingle with mere men? The answer, naturally, is magical warfare for control of the entire world. To make matters just a tad more complicated, you step in to the fray as a man who can't be killed, but also can't remember a thing about his past. Memories reveal themselves to you as you begin to explore this world and phrases or objects trigger suppressed experiences. All of them are haunting. All of them filled with loss, despair and death. What good is being immortal when all of the happy moments are crowded out by a thousand years of pain and suffering? The time for being a mindless mercenary has come to a close. The time has come to find something worth fighting for. And this world needs a hero.


MASS EFFECT

On a mad dash to thwart a villain and subvert the catastrophic series of events set in motion by an unknowable, ancient evil, you're charging across the outer hull of a star ship. With boots gripping its metallic surface, you're accosted by waves of enemies funneling out to shred you to bits and fry your remnants to a fine dust. But you're more than prepared, having spent so much time powering yourself up, fine tuning your skills and properly modifying your equipment just for this moment. With every blast from your high-powered shotgun your enemies are shocked by its force as they fly off into nothingness. You duck behind cover as your gun cools and take a minute to marvel at the brilliance of your character build and the lessons learned about yourself and the universe since your adventure began. You take a breath and resolutely step back into the line of fire, knowing with every kill you inch closer to altering the course of the known galaxy.



RPGS TO AVOID




DARK MESSIAH: MIGHT AND MAGIC ELEMENTS

ant a role-playing game where I have no control over the role I play. I want everything to progress in a completely linear fashion, and I'd love it if the characters (including my own) could be completely utterly wooden and lifeless caricatures of themselves. Actually, I want it to be less of an RPG, really, and more of a mindless melee fest where I kill the same 10 enemies over and over and over again. Oh, and it would be awesome if I could collect a bunch of stuff, too. And I want to collect the same handful of items a million times, but I don't want to be able to use any of them for anything, because that would be dumb. Ah, I almost forgot about the glitches. I want a ton of those, too. I want things to disappear out of my hands, and I want the game to freeze more often than a terrified rabbit. What's this you say? There's already a game like that called Dark Messiah of Might & Magic Elements? Well why didn't you tell me before? O happy day!


THE LAST REMNANT

The Last Remnant was supposed to be SquareEnix's RPG for the American audience. Apparently that means delivering an agonizingly slow battle system made even worse by massive technical issues. The Last Remnant wasn't ready to be released when it was shoved out of the door, plain and simple. But if you could struggle through the technical flaws, you'd find a game that lacked transparency and seemingly sought to confuse and frustrate you at every turn. Slow and annoying -- a definite recipe for success in the good ol' US of A. But hey, it sure is a long game. So anybody on a budget can buy this game and sit through the tedium for days upon days and not need another game to occupy their time. At least there's that...


PHANTASY STAR UNIVERSE

Back in 2001, SEGA amazed us all with an MMO-light that could actually be played on a console. Years later on the much more powerful Xbox 360, Phantasy Star Universe came along. The difference between the two? Not a whole lot. While games like World of Warcraft took the world by storm and pushed the genre forward, the Phantasy Star franchise stagnated. PSU still hasn't moved beyond a simple lobby and limited instances for battle. To make matters worse, Phantasy Star Universe suffered from a severe lack of content and places to explore, yet still carried a monthly fee. When the game launched, there were even areas that existed on the disc as part of the single player game that were locked once you went online. Lame.


SPECTRAL FORCE 3

To call this an RPG might be a stretch since it is more of a turn-based strategy game, but there's no question of whether or not it belongs in the loser category. Perhaps if this was an Xbox Live Arcade game we could forgive the awful graphics and laughable sound effects. Perhaps. But the sad fact is that this was a full price retail release with just about zero work done to make it presentable. The problems don't end there though. A lacking story, game crashing glitches, poor translation, and text that actually bleeds off of the screen all help to make this one a stinker. Come on, where's our true successor to Shining Force from SEGA instead of this budget junk from Atlus?

TWO WORLDS

Are you prepared for the most epic of adventures? Are you prepared to acquire the most powerful artifacts and…Oh my god I just got on a horse and these are the worst controls I've ever experienced…ahem… sorry. Are you prepared to acquire the most powerful artifacts and gear to overcome the most fearsome challenges the world has ever witnessed? Could you possibly be ready for the…alright seriously where did that item go? It was sitting right there and now it's gone…now I think the game froze. I think, maybe not. Ah, that wasn't a game freeze, the framerate is just horrible, almost as bad as these animations. I'm pretty sure that enemy just disappeared. No wait, he's just stuck in that other NPC. Did I just hit them with my weapon? I can't really tell. Did he just teleport? How did that happen? This has got to be the most derivative fantasy world I've ever seen. Sigh. I'm turning this off.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:38 pm

Man, I want to play Lost Odyssey. Lmao Two Worlds is SO BAD. HOLY. I mean the voice acting is probably the worst thing ever, and the gameplay is utter s***

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:41 pm

lol the hero in Two Worlds (I don't know his name, who gives a sh!t) was a joke. His voice acting was terrible!!! That game literally gave me a headache while playing. I mean, I rented it and played for 15 minutes and had to shut it off because the frame rate wouldn't stop skipping and the animations were so shoddy. lol and I remember hearing about that game and thinking it was going to be awesome. Wrong
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:46 pm

Everyone is stronger than you and who the f*** who train on goblins? The acting made me laugh to tears.

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:51 pm

It's like the story tried to be this epic adventure, but it was so shoddy that it was hysterical. It looked like it would be one of those spoofs lol
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:55 pm

I was expecting to find white castle and buy the best burgars ever

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:08 pm

lol Harold & Kumar go to White Castle was sooooo good.

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay was god awful
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:21 pm

Axeforhire wrote:
lol Harold & Kumar go to White Castle was sooooo good.

Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay was god awful
I had to quote this
QFT!
I did not laugh once in the second one. I was like :|. Really? They went from the funniest movie ever to this s***? Wow blowjob jokes, good one!

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:23 pm

Well I got pissed immediately because you see a shlong in like the first 10 seconds
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:27 pm

My sister was like
WHAT? You didn't think the unicorn was funny?
And I'm like no

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:28 pm

lol did you find the Unicorn in Oblivion? He is just running around in the forest and you can ride him. I killed him.


I love relating everything to that epic game series.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
breakyoudown
Feeling brassic
Feeling brassic
avatar

Number of posts : 27750
Hedonistic Glory : 25347
Reputation : 302
Joined In : 2008-08-28
Age : 26

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:33 pm

LOL

Stranger :Hey, do you know the time by chance?
Me : Lucien Lechance?! No! The blade of woe is mine! Even though its a bad weapon now it gets enchanted to be slightly less shitty later!
Stranger: ....

_________________
From this moment forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Axe
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
Frenzied Folk Barbarian
avatar

Number of posts : 11606
Hedonistic Glory : 16050
Reputation : 229
Joined In : 2009-01-21
Age : 25
Location : Fort Wayne, IN

PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   Fri Jul 10, 2009 11:35 pm

breakyoudown wrote:
LOL

Stranger :Hey, do you know the time by chance?
Me : Lucien Lechance?! No! The blade of woe is mine! Even though its a bad weapon now it gets enchanted to be slightly less shitty later!
Stranger: ....

Talk to strangers!!! We need to go on there and act like we're from medieval times.

"Sir, I don't quite know what my gender has to do with closing the Oblivion gates and stopping Lord Meruhnes Dagon, Dark Leader of the Daedra"
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: Cheers & Tears   

Back to top Go down
 
Cheers & Tears
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» 'Faking it: Tears of a Crime'
» Roland Orzabal
» [Contest] Create Your Cartoon Avatar
» Winx Club!

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Tip of the Hat :: Preposterous Palaver and Infinite Jest-
Jump to: