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 Wolf's Prey

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Axe
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PostSubject: Wolf's Prey   Tue Jul 28, 2009 4:20 am

Azan drew the cloak over his head. The raindrops fell harder, and he knew that his task would be easier completed without the discomfort of being soaking wet. The storm was just beginning to escalate from a soft, cool shower. As Azan crouched in the dark alley, Count Matius' servants made their rounds, extinguishing the city's lambs as they always did at the stroke of midnight. He knew their order by heart. First, the servants would extinguish the lamps by the dock, then they would separate into two parties, making a full circle around the seaside port, meeting by the front gate. The city was almost a perfect circle; the shops made up the inner circle, and the residences made up the outer, until they reached the dock, where various taverns and outlets sat. The city's dock was a massive sight. It was the main port out of the kingdom, both exporting various goods and harboring traders from distant lands. Outside of the city's main gate lay a large keep, which housed the Count's castle. The keep was very large, and it took up almost half the size of the town itself. Outside of the main gate, there was a large tunnel that went through the fortress, which acted as a passageway for anyone entering or exiting the city. The fort acted as a stronghold, defending against any attacks that might come from inland. The seaport was so large that it docked many war vessels as well, which was a line of defense from the sea. As one of the most important sea ports the kingdom had, the city was a prime target for attack in war. Naval blockades could cut off supplies, and prevent the kingdom from selling goods. But, the city had not been seen battle for some time.

As the Count's men finished their rounds and returned to the castle, Azan crept from the alleyway. Crouching and staying close to the buildings, Azan scoped out the road for any pedestrians. Although he was sure that no person would be outside in such a heavy rain, assassins as elite as he was knew not to take any foolish chances. After finding no sign of life, Azan walked slowly and inconspicuously towards the shop he was looking for. The guild had given him a contract the day before to eliminate the owner of the local general sales merchant, Weebem. The city had a guild of merchants, whose activities included setting fair prices for their goods so every merchant would receive customers. The guild would then split up a certain percentage of the money earned from each shop, so every owner would have income regardless of recessions and other hardships. Weebem had been suspected of holding out on the guild. She had been short on her dues the last couple of months. Her extravagant clothing and jewelry had been the first concern, but it wasn't until she bought one of the largest, most expensive homes in the city that the guild became suspicious.

Azan approached the shop, which was in the inner circle facing the sea. With the large, dark clouds blocking out any moonlight that might have given away Azan's task, Azan had no worries about being spotted in the pitch black night. Skillfully picking the shop's lock, Azan crept inside. The shop was fairly small on the main floor. A few large, oak tables displayed clothing and other various items for sale. In the back a bar sat, with shelves and drawers lining the wall behind it. Azan sifted through some of the merchandise, most of which was just common clothing made from the cotton that grew from the surrounding farms. Excellent clothing for the middle class fishermen and farmers who often bought from the city's local shops. Finding nothing of interest, Azan walked over to the bar and examined the shelving. Some of Weebem's most expensive items lay on the shelving, most of which was gilded jewelry. The thing that caught Azan's eye was the drawer in the far corner behind the bar. The drawer with the large lock on it. Azan took out another pick, and carefully removed the lock which secured the drawer. Opening it, Azan found nothing but a mess of papers and worn books. Azan sifted through the items carefully, examining each one.

“A letter from her uncle...” Azan read the note. “Dearest Weebem, as you know your father has not been in the best health lately, and we are sorry to tell you it has finally got the best of him. He passed on last week in a comfortable way. We have all been expecting this for some time, and as you know he has left what money he had to you, his only daughter. Enclosed, we have sent you all of the gold he had left to his name. We know this is hard on you, but use this gold to give yourself a better life. It's what your father always wanted for you – a life like he never had.....”

Azan quit there. Weebem had not been levying her shop's funds, she had simply inherited gold from her deceased father. It was no matter though, a contract was a contract, and the assassin's guild was not to decide whether a contract was moral or not. Azan sealed the drawer, and pulled out his daggers. Two, beautifully crafted silver daggers, which each showcased an intricate design of a lone wolf ready to pounce. The symbol of the assassin.

Azan expected Weebem to be sleeping in her shop, because the yearly harvest was at it's midpoint. The shops always opened in the very early hours of morning during harvest, because the farmers often needed to purchase more clothing and tools for the seasonal workers. Azan walked back around the bar, stepping lightly, and approached the door in the corner. Opening it slowly and quietly, Azan peered in. Weebem was fast asleep in her bed, set up in the back office as a makeshift bedroom.

“What a shame such a pretty young woman has to die because of greed....”

Weebem was indeed pretty. In her mid twenties, Weebem was still a youth, in both looks and personality. Such a long life awaited her that would be stolen by the corrupt merchants. When Azan was only a short distance away from Weebem's bed, he raised one of his daggers, and with a forceful swipe, slit Weebem's throat in one fluid motion. The blood from her neck spattered onto her bedside table and ran down the side of her sheets. Although the site appeared as though a large battle had taken place, Weebem didn't feel a thing. Most of Azan's targets didn't. Wiping his blade on the linen quilt that covered Weebem's body, Azan exited the shop and returned to the guild.




Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated. I've worked on this small chapter for quite awhile trying to perfect it, so I hope you all will enjoy it
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Fri Jul 31, 2009 12:03 am

Godamn Brute not checking this thread

That was a pretty sweet story with an interesting moral.

My biggest suggestion is to not blend flash backs while the character is on his way.

"Azan walked slowly and inconspicuously towards the shop he was looking for. The guild had given him a contract the day before to eliminate the owner of the local general sales merchant, Weebem."

This part is weird just because its just I dunno clunky for the story to be in action then all of a sudden backstory is introduced in the same paragraph.

Also for increased effect maybe the character can show more thoughts or emotion. He shows regret when killing the girl which is good. But maybe it can foreshadow that this woman doesn't deserve to die. Like Azan can check out the shop first and see how it benefits those in need or something.

Overall very enjoyable read

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Fri Jul 31, 2009 1:02 am

Thanks so much for reading and for the tips

I know some of the parts are a bit sketchy, but that's because this was going to be a prologue for the actual plot. This was supposed to set the mood and whatnot of the novel. But now I'm realizing it works good as a short story, and that if I wrote a novel no one would read it anyway.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Fri Jul 31, 2009 1:05 am

I'd read whatever you continue to make lol
Very oblivion

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Fri Jul 31, 2009 1:06 am

EPhear gave me this great novel that I'm reading called ummmmm

I don't remember right now. It's the Night Angel trilogy, but I can't remember the title.

Oh well, but anyway. This novel is Oblivion. I read it and it's like I'm playing oblivion. It's fantastic. Did you know that they are making Elder Scrolls novels now? I will actually read those
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 2:07 am

I would too- but I wouldn't buy one cause I am very cheap

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 2:25 am

That's why I love libraries. They're pretty much free rental stores for books. Not as much entertainment as video games, but you get a free book
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 2:29 am

they don't have the zombie survival guide book
Boo

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:09 pm

i told you guys
i cant read everything, i was gone. please dont harass me

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
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Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 4:59 pm

I'm pulling your leg dude ahaha
I need to find something else to tease you about if you don't like the "you never check my threads! complains"






=)

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:03 pm

breakyoudown wrote:
I'm pulling your leg dude ahaha
I need to find something else to tease you about if you don't like the "you never check my threads! complains"



=)

thats right sir
ok then
ill stop bitching

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:09 pm

Do you still have the santa hat avatar? I love that one
Also, is it just me, or is the forum not wanting us to have a normal sized avatar

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:12 pm

breakyoudown wrote:
Do you still have the santa hat avatar? I love that one
Also, is it just me, or is the forum not wanting us to have a normal sized avatar

yeah, i still have it, but its not chrsitmas yet....lol

and yeah, avatars are messing up. you may need to look in the admin controls to see if the settings were changed, or check the forum news to see if they have restricted avatar size.

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Tue Aug 04, 2009 7:27 pm

If anything they need to restrict sig size
People are using annoyingly large pictures in sigs

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 3:24 am

i agree
ill take a look

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 12:29 pm

You are a beast brute

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:09 pm

i changed it.
so i think everyone should try and re-upload their pic if they can.
ill try first

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:12 pm

OOPS
too big


there much better

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:18 pm

goddammit Brute, goddamn read my damn story dammit
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 5:48 pm

Axeforhire wrote:
goddammit Brute, goddamn read my damn story dammit

axe, i consider you a friend. but i was never a fan of this type of stuff. im a very slow reader, and that would take me like 20 minutes and im just not attracted to it. im sure you did a good job

wow, that was incredibly arrogant

it probably doesnt help that im in a bad mood. maybe someother time ill read it

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:06 pm

YES! GODAMN CATS
Thanks for that brute

But yeah seriously the story takes 10 minutes to read at very most and f***ing people get stabbed and s***

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:44 pm

Dammit

Just..... dammit.

I hate reading 95% of the time so it's cool.

dammit

Spoiler:
 
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 9:59 pm

Lol am I the only one who reads everything here?

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:35 pm

goddammit, I tend to damn read every goddamn thing dammit
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:38 pm

My avatar is too awesome

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:43 pm

Your avatar is not as good as your previous Blind Guardian avatar from awhile back
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:44 pm

I still use that avatar on the xbox forum
I've been looking at it for so long lol

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:48 pm

Dammit

my avatar has nothing to do with music. Time to change it again
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:49 pm

I was about to say mine doesn't either but then I'm like wait a minute it does!
Oh keyboard cat, what can't you play off?

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:52 pm

HAhahaha it does!!!

See if you recognize my next avatar
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:53 pm

Looks like the singer of Wintersun

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:55 pm

You were damn close lol

It's Petri Lindroos, the guy who sings and plays guitar for Ensiferum now that Jari left for Wintersun. He was also Norther's lead guitarist and lead singer
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:00 am

I knew he was apart of one of the two lol
Couldn't remember which

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:34 am

uuugh
its from a band Razz

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Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:48 pm

I think that picture kicks ass.

Hey, Brute, that was the guy from Norther who you thought looked like a chick lol

It's amazing what some makeup and some dirt and sh!t can do to a person. Or, a camera angle.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:56 pm

Axeforhire wrote:
I think that picture kicks ass.

Hey, Brute, that was the guy from Norther who you thought looked like a chick lol

It's amazing what some makeup and some dirt and sh!t can do to a person. Or, a camera angle.

never thought he looked like a chick, i thought he looked like Loomis or someone else.

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:36 pm

no no no, in this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjEXb5hKRek you said he looked like a chick. I kinda agree with you lol, but a lot of people don't know that he is in both Ensiferum and Norther
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:39 pm

yeah, that chick....er i mean guy

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:40 pm

so your avatar is?

I feel as though I should know it
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:42 pm

um

CLIFF BURTON!!!!

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Dark94Flame wrote:
Blink 182?
Byd, this is how it starts, you know. One day it's "I like Blink 182", the next it's "I think I like men".
Master Cthulhu wrote:
Where Bathory was an iron broadsword, this band is a big plastic one with "viking!" written on it in sparkly purple magic marker.
sarainadream wrote:
No fucking worries I guess you cunts, just wanted to bloody well plant the careful seed in your maggot infested brains.
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Axe
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:50 pm

Dammit

/facepalm
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Fri Aug 07, 2009 6:26 pm

Axe I don't know why, but your avatar really makes you look like a mod

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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Sat Aug 08, 2009 3:08 am

Well, the only explanation I have is that only someone as badass as Petri is capable of being a mod
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PostSubject: Re: Wolf's Prey   Sat Aug 08, 2009 12:19 pm

I think its the frame

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