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PostSubject: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 2:31 am

After a heavy night of drinking at the local bar, a drunk stumbles into a Catholic church and slowly makes his way into the confessional booth. There, the priest patiently awaits the man to begin his confession.

After a few minutes of silence, the priest politely taps on the window... nothing. The priest taps again and this time clears his throat a bit... still nothing. At this point the priest begins to lose his patience and bangs on the window.

Finally the dunk yells out... "Ain't no use knocking, there ain't no paper over here either!"


So this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Confused, the bartender asks "Hey bud, why do you have a steering wheel in your pants?"

"I don't know" the pirate says, "but it's driving me nuts!"


A guy walks into a bar and asks for 13 margaritas. The bartender abruptly replies, "Wow sir, that sure is a lot, whats the occasion?"

So the guy sits down on a stool, hangs his head and tells the curious bartender, "Well, my first blow job." The bartender smiles and replies, "Yea, that's a splendid occasion indeed. Let me get you one more drink, on the house!"

"Nah," the guy replies... "If thirteen doesn't get the taste out, nothing will."


It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker.

The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!"

Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?"

"I'm yours for super sex," she answers.

So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."




Cigarette Condoms

A blonde, a brunette and a red head were smoking cigarettes one afternoon. The blonde had Camels, red head had Marlboros, and the brunette had Kools.

It began to pour down raining, so the red head and brunette both pull out a condom and put it on their cigs. The blonde says "what are you doing?" - and they say "we're saving it for later!"

Impressed, and in a hurry, the blonde goes to the nearest store and asks for a condom. The clerk says "What size? small, medium, or large?" She said "I dont know... one to fit a camel?"


So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?" Fortunately, I'm only 29 years old. You'll understand when you read the letter.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

Great, as if I didn't get enough shit already....



You know any post em here ..
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 2:43 am

Dude comes home and shouts "Honey, pack your bags, I won the lottery!"

His wife says "Holy shit, I can't believe it, but why am I packing my bags? Where are we going?"

Dude says "I ain't goin nowhere, but you gots to go bitch!"







Redneck and his wife come out of divorce court and the wife's really fuckin pissed. She starts screaming and punching him.

Redneck says "What the fuck, you're still my cousin!"







Mrs Nelson is teaching her kindegarten class about animals.

So she says "Can anyone tell me what sound a dog makes?"

A kid in front raises his hand, so she calls on him and he says "Woof woof!" and the teacher says "Good job Jimmy!"

Next she asks, "What sound does a horsey make?"

A girl in the class raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, and the girl says "Naaaaay!" and the teacher says "Good job Lucy!"

Next, the teacher asks "What sound does a piggy make?"

Now there's only one black kid in the class, and the teacher's kind of racist, so when he raises his hand she tries to ignore him, but noone else is raising their hand. Finally, she calls on the black kid, and he says "Up against the car mother fucker, hands over your fucking head!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 2:59 am

PortraitOfSanity wrote:
Dude comes home and shouts "Honey, pack your bags, I won the lottery!"

His wife says "Holy shit, I can't believe it, but why am I packing my bags? Where are we going?"

Dude says "I ain't goin nowhere, but you gots to go bitch!"







Redneck and his wife come out of divorce court and the wife's really fuckin pissed. She starts screaming and punching him.

Redneck says "What the fuck, you're still my cousin!"







Mrs Nelson is teaching her kindegarten class about animals.

So she says "Can anyone tell me what sound a dog makes?"

A kid in front raises his hand, so she calls on him and he says "Woof woof!" and the teacher says "Good job Jimmy!"

Next she asks, "What sound does a horsey make?"

A girl in the class raises her hand and the teacher calls on her, and the girl says "Naaaaay!" and the teacher says "Good job Lucy!"

Next, the teacher asks "What sound does a piggy make?"

Now there's only one black kid in the class, and the teacher's kind of racist, so when he raises his hand she tries to ignore him, but noone else is raising their hand. Finally, she calls on the black kid, and he says "Up against the car mother fucker, hands over your fucking head!"
The last one was damn funny ! +
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:24 am

A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. THe employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.

A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime

What's brown and sticky?
A stick.

How are a plum and a rabbit alike?
They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

Your momma's so fat, she eats too much and doesn't get proper exercise.

Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:26 am

Taxer666 wrote:

Your momma's so fat, she eats too much and doesn't get proper exercise.

I lol'd. +rep
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:28 am

2 guys are standing in an elevator,suddenly it stinks like sperm,says the 1st "it smells like sperm here",says the 2nd "dont know it is forbidden to fart "
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:32 am

Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought they should go to college to get ahead.

The first went in to see the counselor, who told him to take math, history, and logic.

"What's logic?" the first redneck asked.

The professor answered, "Let me give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?"

"I sure do."

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good!" said the redneck.

The professor continued, "Logic will also tell me that since you have a yard, you also own a house."

Impressed, the redneck said, "Amazing!"

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!"

The redneck was catching on.

"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinatin' thing I ever heard! I cain't wait to take that logic class!"

The redneck, proud of the new world opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend was still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin'?" asked the friend.

"Math, history, and logic!" replied the first redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic?" asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed eater?" asked the first redneck.

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya?"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:32 am

rocknrollchair wrote:
2 guys are standing in an elevator,suddenly it stinks like sperm,says the 1st "it smells like sperm here",says the 2nd "dont know it is forbidden to fart "


hahahahahahaha OMFG!
+rep
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:35 am

Lmao at the bar joke from Tax

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:41 am

You might be a redneck if. . .

You think harass is two words. You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH. Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have more dogs than the local shelter. You consistantly receive credit card offers with a limit of $
1.
25. Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox.

How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead!"

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

Why did God invent armadillos? So that rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell!

Definition of an Arkansas Virgin: A girl who can run faster than her brothers.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:42 am

So a dude turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, "Hey, you wanna hear a redneck story?"

The guy says, "Buddy, I'm six feet, 210 pounds, an' ma name's Billy Joe. You see the guy on the other side of you? That there's Bubba. He's 225 pounds of solid muscle and he's a redneck. And the boy next to him? Mike's a trucker who weighs 295 and he's a redneck, too. Now, do you still want to tell your redneck story?"

The fella says, "Naw, you're right. . . I'd hate to have to explain it three times!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:42 am

10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.

9. Get a blow job.

8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.

7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.

6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.

5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.

4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.

3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.

2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.

1. Repeat number 9......
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:43 am

You just might be a Redneck if:

You've ever tried to drown a fish. You can yell to your mom, "Hey, Aunt Betty!" Your kids fight with the dogs for their dinner. You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature. More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. Your mother has been involved in a fist-fight at a high school sports event. None of your shirts cover your stomach. You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment. You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys. You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap. Your family tree does not fork. Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers." You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side window. The fifth grade is referred to as " your senior year." Three quarters of the clothes you own have logos on them. Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end." You have the taxidermist's number on speed-dial. Your dog and your wallet are both on a chain. The UFO hotline limits you to one call per day. Your two-year-old has more teeth than you do. You have ever been accused of lying through your tooth. Your underwear doubles as your bathing suit. You let you kid pee in the parking lot at K-Mart.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:44 am

Why didn't Hillary win the election?
Because she's a woman

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:45 am

There once was an old couple who had been married for thirty years.

Every morning the old boy would wake up and give off an enormous fart, much to his long suffering wife's annoyance.

"You'll fart your guts out one of these days," she always complained.

After a particularly bad week the wife decided to have her revenge and got up early, placing some turkey giblets in the bed next to the old boy's arse.

While making breakfast downstairs she heard his usual morning fart reverberate through the floorboards followed by a scream.

Twenty minutes later a rather shaken man came downstairs.

"You was right all along Missus," the old man says, "I finally did fart my guts out, but by the grace of God, and these two fingers, I managed to push 'em back in!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:45 am

The Origin of Chapstick

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the Cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk, and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon.

"Hold on, Mister..."

"Sheriff?"

"Did I just see what I think I just saw?"

"Reckon you did, Sheriff...I got me some powerful chapped lips..."

"And that cures them?" "Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' em!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:47 am

After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.

He said, "Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!"

The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please...I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!"

The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!"

The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church"!

The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500.00 in the collection plate!"

And the Reverend said, "NO SHIT?!"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:47 am

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely Shit my pants".
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:49 am

A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.

Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him."

So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."
So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?"

"Yup, that's right, everybody knew Clyde had two assholes.

Ever time we went to town, folks would say...
'Here comes that thar Clyde with them two assholes!'
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:51 am

hateyou1st wrote:
A redneck named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for.

Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him."

So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over."
So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde."

Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two assholes."
"What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO assholes?"

"Yup, that's right, everybody knew Clyde had two assholes.

Ever time we went to town, folks would say...
'Here comes that thar Clyde with them two assholes!'

ROFL!
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:53 am

how is your mom and a vacume cleaner the same?

she sucks, blows and gets laid in the closet



how is your mom and a brick the same?

shes red hot and gets laid by mexicans
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:54 am

What's red crying and slowly rotating.
A baby in a microwave.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:54 am

How many penguins does it take to cover a doghouse?
Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.

Why is a duck?
Because one leg is both the same

How do you kill a blue elephant?
You shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a red elephant?
You hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a green elephant?
You embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a white elephant?
You paint it green, embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk until it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How do you kill a pink elephant?
You scare it until it turn white, paint it green, embarass it until it turns red, hold its trunk untils it turns blue and shoot it with a blue elephant gun.


How do you kill a yellow elephant?
There's no such thing, silly!


How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house?
You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really.

Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Sally has no arms.

Knock knock
Who's there?
The Gestapo.

How do you make a clown stop smiling?
Hit him with an axe.

Guy walks into Doctor's office, tells the doc "I've got a real problem -- it hurts when I do this."
The doctor looks at him for a moment, then says "I'm sorry, you have cancer."


Last edited by Taxer666 on Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:06 am; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:56 am

How many babies does it take to paint a house?
Depends how hard you throw them.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:59 am

Dark ones..

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing her seatbelt.

What does Tiger Woods have that Princess Diana doesn't?
A good driver.

What was the last thing to go through Princess Dianas Mind?
The Dashboard.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a Mercedes?
The Mercedes will reach 40.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:02 am

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”

He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”

She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”
LOOOOOL
I think this is the worst joke I've ever found

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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:17 am

What's more disgusting than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?

1 dead babies in 10 garbage cans.

What's more disgusting than that?

9 dead babies in a garbage can with 1 live one at the bottom.

What's more disgusting than that?

Live one has to eat its way out.









What's the difference between a dead baby and a 69 Camaro?

I don't have a 69 Camaro in my garage.







What do you call a dead baby under the wheel of a semi-truck covered in bee stings with a gunshot wound to the head?

Fuckin hilarious.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:27 pm

Chuck Norris Jokes

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he dosn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norrissed
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:35 pm

Musical Instrument Jokes

How many string bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
None; the piano player can do that with his left hand.

How do you make a double bass sound in tune?
Chop it up and make it into a xylophone.

How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?
1...5...1... (1...4...5...5...1)

At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. Check it, please!"

The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight."

The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! It's not the tension. The pegs have to be parallel!"


Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.


What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.


How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.

Why do bands have bass players?
To translate for the drummer.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
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PortraitOfSanity
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:43 pm

How do you make two oboists play in tune with each other?
Shoot one.
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MarshallEMG
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:45 pm

Whats blue and yellow at the bottom of a pool?
A baby with slashed floaties



Whats red and yellow at the top of a pool?
Floaties with a slashed baby
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:51 pm

What's more fun than tying a baby to a clothesline and spinning it at 90 mph?
Stopping it with a shovel.


What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls, and a truckload of dead babies?
You can't unload the bowling balls with a pitchfork.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 3:54 pm

What did the blind, dead, quadripilegic baby get for Christmas?

Cancer
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:04 pm

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.


What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
Fucked.


What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.


What's blue and thrashes about on the floor?
A baby playing in a plastic bag.


What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.


What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.


What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.


What's grosser than ten dead babies nailed to a tree?
One dead baby nailed to ten trees.


Im going to hell...
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:05 pm

MarshallEMG wrote:
Im going to hell...

Hell ain't such a bad place to be...
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:12 pm

See ya when ya get there.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:33 pm

What's the difference between a brand new jeep and a pile of dead babys?
I don't have a brand new jeep in my garage.

What's the difference between a Sandwich and a Baby?
The sandwich doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.


yeah....
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 5:36 pm

ImendiaBurzum wrote:

What's the difference between a Sandwich and a Baby?
The sandwich doesn't scream when I put my meat in it.


yeah....

lol!



How do you stop a baby from choking?
Take your dick out of its mouth.

What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.


What's the difference between a baby and a grandmother?
Grandmothers don't die when you fuck them up the ass.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:42 pm

How do you get 100 babies into a bucket?
With a blender.
How do you get them out again?
With Doritos.

What is funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown costume.


What is pink, flies and squeals?
A baby fired from a catapult.
What do you call the baby when it lands?
Free pizza.


What is purple, covered in pus, and squeals?
A peeled baby in a bag of salt.


What is the difference between a baby and a dart-board?
Dart-boards don't bleed.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.

aha..
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 6:54 pm

My favorite baby joke ever:


You know the worst thing about fucking a baby?

Getting blood on your clown costume.
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 7:10 pm

hey remember that show The Angry Beavers? Well they brought it back, but they called it "The View"
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sat Dec 26, 2009 7:18 pm

Tom_Sawyer wrote:
hey remember that show The Angry Beavers? Well they brought it back, but they called it "The View"

LOL
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:42 am



Holy shit, I just got linked to this from a You Laugh you Lose thread
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes   Sun Dec 27, 2009 2:47 am

What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porcshe?


I don't have a Porcshe in my garage.
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