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 BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart

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breakyoudown
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PostSubject: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 12:44 pm

This is my website
http://davidfinoro.wix.com/davidfinoro
I use it to apply for jobs and internships. If you guys wanna look through it and point out anything that seems unprofessional I would appreciate it. Definitely don't want an employer seeing a mistake.

Thanks guys, and happy viewing of my stuff!

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LOR
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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:29 pm

here's a bunch of grammar things

"...and an introductory knownledge..."

i would say "because of several years of imaging classes which emphasized poster creation etc"

and then "I have also created academic projects through dreamweaver"

My roommate and I share a similar passion, and together we created numerous videos that eventually lead to the creation and selling of T-Shirts and DVD's with special features

Without the use of online resources we would not have had enough traffic to distribute our products.

To pay tribute to Earth Hour(comma) my teammate and I created this artistic video and strongly

i would also give the name of the competition


This video was created using a projector to fabricate an artistic background. Time was manipulated as the drawings are actually being erased; through editing I altered the video so it looks like my team and I are phyiscally constructing a masterpiece. - maybe just make this clearer in general. like how did you manipulate time? (i know you didn't manipulate time- maybe use different wording or be more clear)

also, this might just be me, i thought the use of the word artistic was weird. I mean, isn't that what your supposed to be doing regardless? You are always being artistic because that's your job, so its implied. Maybe use other adjectives. for example
"This video was created using a projector to fabricate an artistic background" whats an artistic background? its subjective. Also the word fabricate in conjunction with it, makes it sound like your "faking" being artistic. What did you really try to accomplish with the video's background?

on the bottom maybe put a period after "videos cont(.)"

This is (a) documentary on why Shushing people is rude. In this light-hearted documentary(comma) we interviewed students and asked them about an interesting topic(s). [While they were answering], we shushed them.

also this sentence sounds weird to me but im fried already and can't figure it out. my peer review skills are rusty "This humourous method led us to answers on why it was rude, and possible solutions."

This Public Service Announcement is a mockery of urban legends and horror movie cliques in which like when bad guys or monsters emerge when someone looks into a mirror. On the history channel scholars are interviewed and voice their opinion about supernatural beings. The following idea is implemented into our video. maybe try something like "We also tried to implement a History Channel feel to the movie" or something like that. i didn't like how you originally wrote it. It was weird to read because all of the sudden, it sounds like you are talking about the History Channel and not your movie.

not grammer!- also in the clip itself, it sounds like you cut yourself off in one spot, though that may have been on purpose. im no film major

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Last edited by LOR on Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:49 pm; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:45 pm

That's great work LOR I'll definitely make those changes tonight!

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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 1:48 pm

i added more haha. i missed a page i realized. happy to help!

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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 3:45 pm

You saved me from some embarrassing mistakes. Those are the kind of things when you re-read your work that your mind auto-corrects and you don't notice it. Yeah my friend edited the video when I'm cut off, can't change it at this point. I have a feeling that is the weakest video and will probably get trumped by my new works.

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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 4:05 pm

I'm glad at least Lor is useful lol makes up for the rest of us slobs.
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PostSubject: Re: BYD's Portfolio Please Tear it Apart   Fri Aug 24, 2012 9:26 pm

breakyoudown wrote:
You saved me from some embarrassing mistakes. Those are the kind of things when you re-read your work that your mind auto-corrects and you don't notice it. Yeah my friend edited the video when I'm cut off, can't change it at this point. I have a feeling that is the weakest video and will probably get trumped by my new works.

maybe you should specify that. Say what exactly you did on each video to highlight yourself better? And also maybe include a "projects to be released soon" type of thing if you want people to know you have more works coming up. my mind does that autocorrect thing too. I did a bunch of papers last year without really looking through them, missed a lot stupid crap like missing an "a" or something. that sucked for me haha.

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